What I’m about to share with you, is one of my most cherished, favourite experiences with Swamiji. Even though words are too diminutive to describe Him, I’ve tried my very best 😍
I squinted into the semi-dark hall full of meditating people. The soft,slow mediation music hummed lightly in the background. Everyone had tied their eyes for the meditation, other than me. Meditation was something I absolutely loathed. I couldn’t wait for it to get over. As the music went on monotonously, I sat with myself, submerged in deep, unrelated thoughts.
As I daydreamed, my friend turned to me and whispered excitedly ,
” Today is Kalabhairava Darshan! Can you believe it ?”
I looked at her, thoroughly confused and asked her what she meant by that.
All of a sudden, before she could open her mouth to answer, a loud , uproarious laughter pierced the air, giving me goosebumps and widening my eyes. The laughter was filled with bliss, yet it was unexplainably wild and boisterous. Immediately, a voice announced that everyone would have to untie their eye bands( except me, of course) and get ready for the Darshan of a lifetime; Kalabhairava Darshan.
Unexpectedly, loud music started blaring from all speakers, as the curtains slowly pulled to the sides, revealing to us His radiant form. All my thoughts melted away, as I gaped in awe, a sight I had never even dreamt of seeing, a divine form of absolute perfection, standing tall and powerful, holding a Trishul. For a moment, I wasn’t able to recognise Swamiji at all! He wasn’t quite the Swamiji I had seen the day before… His hair had been let out hanging free, He wore a garland of skulls and bells, and on his waist, He wrapped a cheetah skin cloth . It was a scene to be seen! Most unbelievably, He stood on Padukas,with sharp nails on them. I genuinely wondered how He was doing so.
Kalabhairava raised his eyebrows, widening his brilliant blazing eyes, awakening the Kundalini of everyone in the hall, just by His powerful glance. Occasionally, He would whip His head back, and explode into fits of uncontrolled, euphoric laughter. Even though my eyes were fixed on Him, I could vaguely see the people around me levitating, because of the overflowing Kundalini energy. After what seemed like a few minutes, Swamiji sank into His aasanam and summoned us all for individual energy Darshan. I was unimaginably excited for this, but a small part of me was a bit overwhelmed by the ferocious appearance that Swamiji had, including the skulls, cheetah skin cloth and the Trishul. Even when He was blessing other people, I watched closely with fascination, the patience and unconditional love with which He listened to them and assured them that He would take care of everything. Each and every person who walked down the stage after their turn, looked like the most fulfilled, blissful beings on the Planet. I incredulously wondered how Swamiji could manage to fulfil every single person He encountered.
After a few minutes, it was our turn to go on the stage and get blessed by Kalabhairava. My heart started thumping in my chest as I approached.
At last, the most awaited moment; I sat directly in front of Kalabhairava, His enormous form loomed over me. His eyes bore into mine, literally looking INTO me and acknowledging everything that existed within me. I looked back into His large, magnificent eyes and got a glimpse of the powerfulness within. His compassionate, loving smile widenened at me. I stared back at Him, in loss of words. Before i knew it, He welcomingly widened His arms for a hug, and I fell into His arms, feeling like the most loved, favourite child of the Universe. He laughed lovingly and stuffed my hands with chikkis and added ‘ Love you kanna.’ ( in Tamil, kanna means child)
At that moment, I was too blissed out to even reply, so I beamed back at Swamiji and ran down the stage, my hands overflowing with chikkis.
Later, when people have asked Swamiji what he feels like when Kalabhairava enters Him, he beautifully explains that He feels like a THOUSAND Nithyanandas have emerged from within, so He feels extremely ecstatic. Swamiji also explains that His body feels so light, so He doesn’t even feel the nails on which he is standing and the nails don’t leave any kind of impression or marks on His feet after the Darshan.